I'm gay. Well i hope i could be strong enough to come out and say it because i just feel like i'am living in limbo while my life is just passing me by. My friend's passing made me question a lot of things in my life too, made me realise that life is too fragile but i'm still stuck, it seems like i just cant let go of this denial that has almost completely consumed my life.

Looking back i'd say i started using denial prominently as a coping mechanism when i first realised i was gay, i think i was 14 back then. i had read an article about gays and lesbians (or lebestians as i called them back then) from one of the magazines at the time. From the article, i realised that i might be one of those people who were attracted to the same gender but i just brushed it off to just being picky when it came to who making  friends and i completely pushed it out {to be continued, i don't know where this rumbling is going but i feel like i should collect my thoughts 1st}

Friend's passing

The question i've been asking myself is why i decided today of all days to finally start blogging and well the answer is simple, saddeningly (not sure this is a real word but...) simple, i recently lost a dear friend, he passed away suddenly and i'm now feeling like if i dont do something about it i might go crazy. Its just one of those those things in life that you never think you are going to have to deal with for some time especially that he was my age. I've talked about it with my other friends and its been comforting but i still feel like i could do more about it, i know there is nothing i could have done to prevent his untimely passing but i still feel like shit.

Intro...

I set up this blog almost a year ago with the sole intention of having somewhere to chronicle events in my life as i try to come to terms with some realities i wouldnt have chosen for myself were i given the chance. I decided to name the blog, 'of denial, owning up and moving on' because i'm hoping writing some this shit down will help me do just that, own up n move on.